2050 Moscow Video Game Olympics Recap: Day 1
For the 2050 Video Game Olympics we
will be reviewing the day’s highlights, news and more through a daily report.
The opening day of the Olympics has been an eventful one with many
controversies over the suspected use of hacks and shortages of supplies in the
Olympic village.
A
significant highlight from this morning is that 0|ymp1c H@x0r has won the gold
medal in quick scoping for the tenth year in a row. Though foul play is
suspected, like all the other years, the AHO (Anti-Hacking Olympic
Organization) hopes to be able to gather enough evidence this year to lead a
case against 0|ymp1c H@x0r. If caught, guilty players who have used or are
using hacks will have their computers confiscated and they will face a
life-time ban from owning a computer. However, the UN issued a statement, calling
this punishment inhumane because in the past many players have developed PTSD
and have turned insane shortly after their computer privileges were stripped. The
UN has said to the VGO (Video Game Olympics Organization), “If you do not make
the penalty less severe we will cut off the Video Game Olympics internet access.”
This action could cause mass hysteria in the viewer and gamer populace,
possibly worse hysteria than the 2036 Mountain Dew and Doritos shortage. Thus, the VGO is taking immediate and
decisive action by reducing the severity of the punishment. The proposed new punishment is for hacks to
be denied access to fast food for a one year period, except for on significant
faith days. The two sides will meet
tomorrow to hammer out the details of the agreement.
Another surprising development this
afternoon is that there is a shortage of supplies in the Olympic village which
have many scrambling to the local super stores. This morning the supply of
adult diapers ran dry causing many people to actually have to use the washroom.
One gamer xXRaGeGaMeRXx fumed, “We actually have to do something other than
play video games; this is the worst Olympics ever.” Also the supplies of
Mountain Dew and Doritos is running low causing Mountain Dew to be sold for
twenty dollars a can and a small bag of Doritos to be sold forty dollars a bag.
D0rit0$E@tEr3649 has declared from his mother’s basement, “Only the rich can
afford Mountain Dew and Doritos. I say we take to Wall Street.” But our gamer phycologist
states that, “While many people are angry and want to protest on Wall Street, I
predict nobody will because of the laziness of most gamers these days.” The VGO
has said that more supplies are being shipped in and should arrive tomorrow. In the meantime, riot police have been
assembled at key points in Olympic village to guard against the formation of a
potential lethal mob.
Tomorrow is the Wii Sports tennis
finals, RaCkEtMaN against baLLhiTTer. It is expected to be an aggressive match
from the trash talking going on before. RaCkEtMaN shouted at baLLhiTTer, “You
don’t deserve to be on the same court with me. You’re the worst I have ever
played, throw you racket in the garbage and never play ever again.” baLLhiTTer
reply’s “You cannot play any better than me you newb.” They plan to have extra
security in case one of the players decides to assault the other. Today in the
semifinals two time world champion, ballWhacker had a horrendous injury when he
went to hit the ball he overrated his wrist causing him to tear his thumb
muscle. He is not expected to be playing in the next world championships due to
this reason.
Tomorrow is expected to bring many
exciting video game events like the Pokémon tournament, NHL 2050 tournament and
Gold Fish 2 VS 2. More supplies are expected to arrive at the Olympic village and
the newly anticipated Talking 2.0 video game, where players can talk to perfect
computer friends is expected to be showcased tomorrow.
THIS REPORT WAS SPONSORED BY: MOUNTAIN DEW AND DORITOS
